A sense of purpose
A sense of purpose
By Jeffrey D. Murrah
A question that is frequently asked of me is "how do I build my child's self esteem?" Since many things are involved in making up and contributing to self-esteem, it is a difficult question in which to give a short answer.
Self-esteem is an idea that involves how much value a person places on themselves and the activities in which they participate. One area that does help children feel better about themselves is a "sense of purpose."
When a child has a sense of purpose, they quickly develop direction and begin valuing themselves. They now have a reason to place value on themselves and feel like they are making meaningful contributions. As a child progresses in fulfilling their purpose, confidence grows. The child becomes fully alive as they fulfill that sense of purpose.
Finding and developing a sense of purpose requires effort from the parent and the child. It begins with becoming aware of the child's natural inclinations. One educational program uses the slogan "work with the wiggle." This phrase captures the idea of working with the natural inclinations. Of course, in order to work with it, you have to know what it is. To discover this requires exposing the child to various types of activities. Parents may have to reduce passive activities such as "vegging out" to music, TV, or video games since that numbs the child's awareness.
After being exposed to various activities, the natural inclinations will draw them to develop a heightened interest in some of the activities. In deciding what activities to expose them to, it is important to be creative and open-minded. Try things like attending baseball games, rodeos, car shows, livestock fairs, train shows, touring historic homes and so forth. If you really want to be creative, try ballet, opera, automobile races, cook-offs, archeological digs, battle re-enactments, working farms, ironworking demonstrations or art museums. Traveling is another way to expose your child to new ideas. When traveling, you may have to be willing to stop and read the roadside historic markers and visit roadside attractions. You may be surprised with what participating in these activities unearth. Parents often discover hidden sides to their children they never knew existed.
Once a parent knows what their child has a natural interest in, explore what you can do to develop it. Consider reading books on the subject, talking to experts in that area, attend workshops on the subject. If, as a parent, you can't think what to do, consider other people who may help develop their potential. As a parent, contact those people, or have your child write to them. Find out how to become involved in that activity.
Self-esteem does not have to be a mystery. Instilling a sense of purpose is a beginning step in helping people value their own lives and what they do.
Jeffrey D. Murrah is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Pasadena and La Porte. He can be reached at 713-944-4335 or through his website at www.restorethefamily.com.