The Scream House
The Scream House
By Jeffrey Dixon Murrah
A popular diversion at amusement parks and at Halloween is the "scream house". These sometimes are referred to as haunted houses. Part of the attraction is that after experiencing the scary events, the participant can walk away. The source of the fear can be left behind.
Sadly, in many houses, families live in a scream house atmosphere from which they cannot escape. Growing up in such a house can have traumatic effects. The effects are worsened by the fact that the children cannot leave this house behind; instead it follows them wherever they go.
What creates such a scream house atmosphere? The first ingredient as in any haunted house is screaming. The loud noise level is unsettling and frightening to young children. Adults often forget the unsettling impact of screaming on children. Screaming destroys the peace of any home. If there is a lot of screaming in your house, there is likely to be very little peace or peace of mind. Being that screaming episodes are often unpredictable, the victims often live in a perpetual state of being "on guard". Screaming keeps its victims in a terrorized state of mind.
Children will tell you they dislike the screaming. In working with children, a common complaint they have is the amount of screaming in the home. Children complain more about the screaming than they do about being confronted or put down. An easy way to tell if there is too much screaming going on is that the children hide or leave the home when a parent is angry. Children even crawl out windows to escape such traumatizing tirades.
Another problem with the 'scream house' is that the trauma does not go away. The screaming parent remains a part of the child's life for years. The victim is followed by the screamer to school events, sporting events and vacations. Such close association puts the child living in a perpetual state of fear.
Children raised in a 'scream house' avoid taking risks, at either doing good or bad. They try to 'keep the peace' at all costs. The big problem with that is that there is little or no peace in living with a screamer. The screamer sees nothing wrong with their screaming and may even use it on an everyday basis. Screamers obtain compliance from their children by frightening them into submission by using screams and threats, rather that developing obedience through relationships.
If the 'scream house' sounds like your home, there are steps that can be taken. Lower the volume of speaking, especially when upset. Consider taking an anger management course. Try to listen to your children rather than 'freak out'. Seek professional help if needed. The home shouldn't be a scream house where you can check in but not check out.
Jeffrey
Dixon Murrah is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist with offices in