Maximize your parenting power
Maximize your parenting
power
By Peggy J. LeVrier
As parents, you should focus on giving your children the very best of "you."
I'm sure that you have heard of Dr. Phil McGraw, and if you haven't, I encourage you to tune into Oprah every Tuesday. Dr. Phil gets to the heart of emotional matters. He contends that few people are living their "authentic self." We go through the motions of what others expect of us without thought of who we were made to be and what purpose we serve on this earth.
Too often, parents think that when the children are grown they will then embark on "self-discovery." The reality is that divorces, suicides, illnesses, extra-marital affairs and compulsive spending are a few of the repercussions affecting parents who are living their lives to please other people. The harmful affects on the children have irreversible consequences.
I encourage you to do what Dr. Phil suggests by examining your external influences. How did you become who you are today? Here are some things to consider:
Parents, give yourself permission to do this most important exercise. When you begin to realize that your life is not as authentic as you would like it to be then you can look at the hierarchy of needs and discover how your needs affect what you do, what you say and how you live your life. The hierarchy of needs includes, spiritual fulfillment, intellectual fulfillment, self-expression, love, self-esteem, security and survival.
You can only give to your children what you have been given. You must give yourself those emotional needs that were not given to you as a child so you can give them to your children. Have you confused giving "emotional support" to your children with giving them every material thing that they want? Children need steady doses of affirmations that give them the security they value in your family. They need to physically contribute to the household daily to realize the importance of their contribution.
I talk with parents who are frustrated because they cannot get their teenager to do chores. My question to them is, "When did you begin to expect your children to help?" Usually they have not expected anything from them until they become a pre-teenager. Children can help at an early age by folding clothes or picking up toys. To discourage or not expect help from your children is not your children's fault. It is fulfilling an emotional need for you. Think about it!
This summer is an excellent time to take "emotional inventory" of your needs. Pick up Dr. Phil's book "Self Matters." Become the confident mom or dad that commands respect with encouraging, assertive communication with each other and your children.
Take time for yourself and each other daily. You need that time and your children need to observe that in your lives. Play together, laugh together and pray together as a family daily.
Peggy LeVrier has served as an early childhood educator for 35 years and is the owner and facilitator of Peggy's Positive Parenting in La Porte. For more parenting information, you can contact her at (281) 748-9176 or pjlevrier@houston.rr.com