Unlocking the doors of
communication with your child
Unlocking the doors
of
communication with your child
By Peggy J. LeVrier
For most children, school has begun. Some children will find this experience more enjoyable than others because they will have developed better problem-solving skills at home.
Studies show that parents who talk with their children, almost as equals are helping to build their children's problem-solving skills which is the measure for evaluating IQ's.
Parents who allow their children to discover what to say instead of telling them what to say are allowing their children to think for themselves.
Parents who encourage other adult friends and family members to speak with the children as an equal intellectual person will increase their children's ability to be diverse thinkers. Children who have been encouraged to express their opinions and value the opinions of others even when they differ will not be intimidated to engage in conversations with their teachers and peers.
Too often children are not encouraged to contribute to conversations with their parents or with their parent's friends or other adult family members. The emphasis is more on "being quiet" and "not interrupting." Children who are encouraged to respond with a yes or no answer tend not to have good problem-solving skills. Parents who are more concerned with their children's obedience than with having stimulating conversations with them are less likely to encourage children to be motivated toward excellence in school. Studies show that many of these children do not finish school and often times end up in jobs that lead to nowhere for them.
Many parents have learned how to "advise" their children. Some parents even like this method of communicating better because it is expedient. For example, the parent says, "This is what I expect from you. Do you understand?" The child has to answer with only a "yes" or "no." The breakdown in communication in that dialogue is that the parent does not give allowance for the child's opinion about the parent's request. However brainstorming with your children not only teaches him to problem solve but it assures to him that you value what he thinks and what he says to you.
Parents who use reflective listening with their children are helping the children to think for themselves because reflective listening requires a total acceptance of what the child is saying to them. Reflective listening incorporates focused attention, listening to your child's verbal and non verbal language, getting down to the child's physical level, and restating what you think your child is say. Reflective listening is the "main ingredient" for brainstorming with your child.
Brainstorming not only builds problem-solving skills, but it helps your child increase his organization and responsibility skills. Here are three steps that will help your child build problem solving skills through brainstorming.
* Express what you think your child feels - If you truly do not understand
the dynamics of the
feelings, be honest with him. Give him an option of continuing to
help you understand.
* Search Options -- Help you child to express her ideas. Be prepared to hear
her value
system without judgment.
* Encourage a plan of action - "How will you resolve this situation? Can
we explore more
options together? When can we meet again to discuss your
decisions?" Set a meeting to
discuss the plan of action. You and your child mark a date and time
on the calendar to get
back together to discuss the plan and then a time to discuss the
outcome.
Exercising this type of communication with your child will "give way" to a mutual respect that will encourage your child to listen to you. Building mutual respect in the parent-child relationship is the "key that unlocks the door" of communication between you and your child.
Peggy LeVrier has served as an early childhood educator for 35 years and is the owner and facilitator of Peggy's Positive Parenting in La Porte. For more parenting information, you can contact her at (281) 748-9176 or pjlevrier@houston.rr.com