Parents must serve as an 
example to 'the golden rule'

By Peggy J. LeVrier

Children resist rules when they feel the rules are unfair. They might feel that the rules serve other people's interest at their expense. For this reason, parents must state the rules in a positive manner and offer a reason for obeying the rule so the child can understand its value.

Rules denote what behaviors are expected, for what situations and the consequences if the rule is followed or broken. For example, if you say to your child, "When your homework is finished you may play outside." The rule states a positive outcome, but implies a negative consequence (no outside play) if the rule is broken. It takes time, but children will learn to appreciate rules. Rules help to guide our behavior, and following rules diminishes social conflict. Having your child repeat the rule by using an application is a good way for him to remember it.

Parents need to realize that their rules need to be stated and restated until the children internalize them. Repeating the phrase, "The rule is..." helps the child to "zero in" on what you are saying. Parents need to remember to role model desired behaviors and demonstrate rules as well. Another example involves a scenario where you tell your child to push the glass away from the edge of the table. Use a pleasing voice at all times, even when you are upset at him, and that will demonstrate the desired behavior to your child. By doing this your child can begin to sense that your authority is more rational than arbitrary.

Whenever a family rule has been broken it is important to consider the following four questions:

* What are you doing? (Helps the child attend to what he/she is doing.) 
* What is the rule? (Reminds the child of the rule and encourages him to verbalize it.) 
* Why do we need this rule? (Reminds the child for the need.) 
* What is the consequence for not following the rule? (Helps the child toward 
   accountability for his/her behavior.)

Young children need help to follow rules. When you introduce a new rule to your child, help him by breaking down the task, such as putting toys away. Help the child to complete the chore. Gradually let the child assume more responsibility for putting the toys away.

Children are more likely to follow rules when you are consistent and positive when you administer the rules. I suggest that you make a rule chart. State the rules in a positive way.

It takes years of interpersonal experience and cognitive maturation for children for children to grasp its full meaning and implications. Be patient and consistent with your children while they are learning to follow rules. Learning to follow rules is the foundation of living and learning together. Your children will have a "jump-start" if they begin their school experience having an understanding of the value of following rules.

Peggy LeVrier has served as an early childhood educator for 35 years and is the owner and facilitator of Peggy's Positive Parenting in La Porte. For more parenting information, you can contact her at (281) 748-9176 or pjlevrier@houston.rr.com 

Back to Parent University main page