Conquering the giants: 
Tackling family problems at the root

By Jeffrey D. Murrah

Even though families are now entering the 21st century, they continue struggling with giants. Giants tend to paralyze or panic families with fear, destroy the security of the home and either chase off or carry away the livestock. Even the threat of giants leads to trembling anxiety.

Although literal, physical giants are long gone, the impact on families remain. Modern giants go by many names. Despite the names, the destructiveness of modern rivals that of the historic ones. One of the modern giants is "dealing with teenagers" or "my child's friends parents do drugs."

Given that 90 percent of reality is perception, the threatening size of giants is mostly perception. The giant issues posing threats to families are often exaggerated by perceptions. In today's speech, the giant threats are "fronting." They pretend to be more intimidating than they actually are.

How are parents to slay such threats? These threats can be reduced by keeping a clear head and pursuing a series of questions to help themselves see the threats in a realistic light.

Much like Jack, of beanstalk fame, defeated the giant by outwitting him, parents can defeat 'giant' problems by outwitting them. Allowing confusion and fear to dominate our thinking will allow the problem to paralyze us. Following are some questions that help bring problems into a more realistic light.

* Is this my problem? Who does it belong to? Often, parents jump into problems that don't 
   belong to them. If the problem didn't happen to you or you are not part of the solution, it is 
   likely not your problem.

* What is really happening? In our minds, many things are assumed. A quick review of the 
   facts without excess speculation is helpful.

* What has actually been done to myself or my family?

* Am I exaggerating parts of the problem? With "giant" problems, portions of the problems 
   are exaggerated in terms of impact or effects.

* Has this ever happened to other families? How did they deal with it? Looking at how 
   others handled similar problems often provides clues to help ourselves.

* How will it help if I lose my composure? If I get angry?

* Am I taking this personally? When problems are taken personally, it is difficult to maintain 
   objectivity.

* Am I demanding my way? Some situations are problems for ourselves because we want 
   our way.

* Is my reaction to the problem healthy? Consider whether the solution to the problem or the 
   problems will matter in five years or 10 years.

Like Jack, who chopped down the beanstalk, these questions can sever problems at their root. When the unrealistic part of problems are removed, the necessary plan of action becomes clear. Giants can be removed or cut down to size with clear thinking.

Jeffrey D. Murrah is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Pasadena and La Porte. If you have further questions, you can call him at (713) 944-4335 or visit his website at www.restorethefamily.com.


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