Taking the Bullies by the Horn!
Taking the Bullies by the
Horn!
By Jeffrey D. Murrah
With school well underway once again, so arises the issues associated with
kids. Unwanted nuisances such as bullies return into our lives and the lives of
our children.
Living with bullies or bullying behavior is challenging. Bullying behavior is
using force or threats aggressively on people or situations to control them.
When bully behavior is used repeatedly as a persons' main way of dealing with
others or solving problems, that individual is a "bully". Bullies often resort
to using force when frustrated or blocked from their goal.
Bully behavior is no longer just a matter of scaring someone out of lunch money.
Today the stakes are higher. People are forced into actions, decisions or even
relationships that are not by choice. Today's bullies are more akin to emotional
terrorists. Children often feel helpless and powerless in responding to those
threatening them with force. Some simple guidelines for dealing with bully
behaviors include:
* Encourage your children to talk to you about their friends and associates.
Bring their activities to light. Bullies thrive in secretive and dark places.
Often bullies rely on secrets to hide their activities. Bullies often have
difficulty facing truth.
* Encourage your children to talk with their teachers and school staff. Adult
relations can help your child in steering clear of bullies and bully situations.
* Encourage your child to avoid places or situations where others can threaten
them. Help them develop escape plans for different places and situations.
* Encourage your child to alert school police or school staff when unacceptable
or illegal behavior is occurring.
* Help your child develop a buddy system. After developing a buddy system, use
it. Have your child walk home with their buddy and be aware of phone locations
if help is needed. Have your child carry emergency numbers so as to reach
yourself or other responsible adults.
* Help your child know how to identify bullies. Bullies are often bossy and use
threats to make things happen. Sometimes, bullies hide their threats with humor.
Help your child to see through their humor. Talk with your child about ways of
responding to threats. You may want to role play or rehearse ways of dealing
with bully behavior.
* Encourage your child to not disclose personal information to others who do not
need to know. Have them be careful giving out phone numbers and addresses.
Children and teens often disclose personal information freely. Caution is needed
in this area.
Bullies are found in every grade of the schools. The bullies may also be people
in the neighborhood. Bullies vary in age from young boys to older people and
everyone in between. Bullies need confronting; otherwise they continue bullying
in more extreme forms. If your child is considered a bully, work with them in
practicing other ways to solve problems besides threats.
Jeffrey D. Murrah is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with offices
in Pasadena and La Porte. He can be reached through his website at www.restorethefamily.com
or at 713-944-4335.