Redirecting your child's aggression
Redirecting your child's
aggression
By Peggy J. LeVrier
Ask any parent and he or she will say that they want their children to be able to channel their aggressive behavior into productive activities rather than destructive ones.
According to developmental theory, aggressive impulses or drives are born in the human child and are a crucial aspect of the psychological life force and of survival.
Keep in mind that your children feeling loved and affectionately cared for builds the foundation for their acceptance of the guidance that you will give to them as they continue to grow. Children who feel loved want to please their parents most of the time and will respond to their guidance. Putting reasonable restrictions on your children's behavior is just as important part of loving them as feeding, playing, responding to their wishes and comforting them.
When you observe your child displaying aggressive behaviors, try to understand what prompted the behavior. Did another person's inappropriate behavior "set her off?" Perhaps she is hungry or tired. Be an observer of your child's play with other children. Be available to be a moderator for your children to defuse inappropriate behavior without hovering over them.
Redirect children who are being aggressive in ways that displease you. Be sure to tell him to stop the behavior and give him an example of a behavior that is acceptable. (Example: "Hit the pillow instead of your friend.") This gives him an opportunity to discharge some aggressive feelings and helps him to understand that there is a "way out" to vent his feelings.
Tell your children what you expect of them without giving them a long lecture. "Don't hit me because it hurts," rather than "I don't love you when you hit me." Telling her that you don't like the behavior is the "key message." Be sure to remind your child that she is loved even when you disapprove of her behavior.
If your child is able to verbalize what made him angry, be an attentive listener. If he does not have the language skills yet, try to help him express what he feels. "It seems like you are angry because you wanted what your friend is playing with now."
Be cautious with phrases like, "Be nice," "Don't hit your friend." Very young children understand the need for instant gratification so they do what they can to achieve their goals. The phrases mentioned are too abstract for them to understand. Redirect them and role model appropriate behavior.
Two year old children should be taught to say, "no," or "mine." instead of hitting. Adults need to give specific suggestions and demonstrations for children to learn the effective ways to handle disagreements without physical attack or retaliation.
Be mindful that parents are the most important models for behavior and the creators of the family atmosphere that children need to learn how to use aggression in a productive, healthy way. If there is much arguing or physical fighting by parents, be assured that your children will respond in the same manner. Role model what you want your children to do.
Peggy LeVrier has served as an early childhood educator for 35 years and is the owner and facilitator of Peggy's Positive Parenting in La Porte. For more parenting information, you can contact her at (281) 748-9176 or pjlevrier@houston.rr.com