Living in the Moment
Living in the Moment
By Jeffrey D. Murrah
How to live in the present moment is a daily challenge for parents. Parents often spend more time living in the past or future. By not living in the moment, parents miss opportunities with their children. Although life is given to us one moment at a time, the present is squandered with worry about either the past or the future.
Living in the past involves recreating what is past. This recreation is not mere enjoyment or nostalgia, but an effort to continue the past or a fantasy about it. Lessons needed for the moment are learned from the past, yet some parents continue repeating remedial lessons. The repetition forces children into the parents past, like stuffing new faces into old photographs. Children in those families resent being forced to re-live and make up for their parents' mistakes.
All families need goals and directions for the future, yet this becomes unhealthy when we are not enjoying the life we live. Living for the future involves extreme sacrifice and self-denial for the family. Parents in these families strive to make a vision or dream come true. Making the dream turn into reality becomes problematic when family members have different dreams. It is important for parents and children share a vision before they attempt to force it onto them. Sometimes one generation assumes an arrogant position, believing it knows better than previous or future generations. Such arrogance leads to family conflicts. Parents already command the financial resources of the family, and to control the future can be frightening to children, if there is little trust present.
Living in the moment is challenging yet rewarding. Living in the moment requires determination to live life on its terms and consciously deciding to live in the moment. Living life in the moment is enjoying each moment of daily family life for what it brings. It is finding something enjoyable in the little everyday occurrences. It is congratulating our children on their accomplishments and achievements. It is being thankful for the things that go well. The old expression, "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar" captures the attitude involved in living for the moment.
Making the conscious decision to live in the moment requires some self-examination. All too often, parents slip back into past failures or future worries. Some questions to ask yourself include:
* What am I doing to learn from the past rather
than re-live it?
* Do I often bring up the past and beat my family members with it?
* Do I talk more about the past and future than the present?
* Do I expect my children to make the choices I made at their age?
* Do I discipline my children for not fitting into my past or a future dream?
Living in the moment is worth the effort. Living this way reduces the negativity in the home, makes more cordial family relations and improves joy. If you want pleasant family memories, focus on the moment rather than romanticize the past or fret about the future. As parents, it is important to direct, not control our children's future direction.
Jeffrey D. Murrah is a marriage and family therapist in private practice with offices in Pasadena and La Porte. If you have further questions, contact him at 713.944.4335 or visit his website, www.restorethefamily.com.