Managing stress: A family affair

What is stress? It is the reaction of our minds and bodies to unsettling experiences - both good and bad, although good stress is less harmful. A little stress even helps us enjoy life, but too much makes us ill. Things that distress children may seem "childish" but must be taken seriously. They can cause much harm.

Some of the signs of a distressed child are anger, aggressiveness or anxiety. In addition, crying too easily, overeating or losing weight, fighting with other children or withdrawing from them could be indicators. The causes could be things that could upset almost anyone, such as pressure from home or school, overloaded schedules, family changes such as divorce, separation or remarriage or feeling unloved or misunderstood. As a parent, you must remember that children cannot analyze and control stress-causing events as well as adults - so they need guidance from you - and stress-resistant role models.

Parents can help by teaching their children to cope with stress. Children suffer just as much as adults when they don't know or understand how to handle frustrations in their lives. Parents can help and so can schools. It is easier than you might think. Here are some tips, both challenging and fun, that might help:

• Start at home - Family support is a vital antidote to stress, so take the time to relax and talk together - fill your home with love and care. Forbid violent television shows and movies. Keep daily life calm in an anti-frantic atmosphere, such as less TV, stereos and confusion. Pets are often a good buffer, an emotional refuge for a child. Relaxed parents, who copes positively with their own stress, pass on these skills to children. 
• Reach out - Maintain a network of friends and activities outside the home. Welcome children's friends into your home. An hour with a friend, group or at a religious service can be helpful. 
• Nurture independence - Children cope better when they do not feel helpless, so teach them self-care and family responsibilities as they grow. Teach them to balance work and play, plan workable schedules and the importance of adequate rest and proper nutrition. Explain what stress is and how to recognize it in themselves. Encourage your children to ask for help when they need it, analyze their problems and plan their alternatives. 
• Work with your school - Children who enjoy learning have good defenses against stress. Encourage your children to do their best. But keep in mind that too much academic pressure is a chief cause of childhood stress. If your child is having problems at school, support the school's efforts to correct the problems. Confide in the teachers and the principal, because they are adept at mixing coping skills into classroom activities such as drawing, reading, group discussions, role playing, films and problem-solving exercises. Keeping in touch with your child's school is an important safeguard for combating stress.

Excerpts of this column were reprinted with permission from the National School Public Relations Association's newsletter, "It Starts on the Frontline."


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